Breaking up…We’ve all been through the painful separation process that takes us away from another person. The sick feeling that runs through our veins for a seemingly infinite period during which we cease to live, walking around like characters from a cheap zombies flick.
I’ve been through a similar experience not long ago and can still relate very well to the thoughts that run around in the head and the incessant, obsessive attempts of the mind to understand what went wrong. This time round I took advantage of the situation (so to speak) and looked inside that sorrow to try and locate the roots of so much negativity and despair. I’d like to share what I discovered as it might come useful to someone reading this post.
A universal feeling amongst crushed hearts is the perception of being left with absolutely nothing. We feel that since our partner has departed, there is nothing to look forward to, everything seems so dull, mundane. Our mind tells us that what we had was perfect and without it there is no motivation to engage in anything apart from feeling depressed and rejected. Why do we feel this way?
In my case (and probably yours too), the reason was pretty simple and plain to see. I was totally immersed in the relationship and turned it into the only thing that mattered. My days revolved around the union with my ex partner and I made as much room for it as possible. I quickly got addicted to the intense love and happiness to a point that everything else was shifted to a less important category. During that phase I reasoned that I was very happy and that’s exactly what I was looking for.
By adapting this way of living, I stopped nurturing myself, my soul and the things that were important to me. I stopped giving attention to things I liked doing on my own, didn’t make an effort to meet my friends and forgot about all the stuff that defined the person I am today. In that scenario, from an emotional perspective I became totally dependent on my ex girlfriend.
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The moment we expect someone to make us happy, we lose another piece of ourselves, probably the most important one. At that point, we’re admitting to ourselves that we cannot be happy unless there is someone in our lives and that can never work. We end up depleting our partner who in turn will grow tired of the role that has been bestowed upon them. When the relationship ends we are left with less than nothing, because we’re not only lonely, but rejected.
This is why we should always love ourselves in any point of our lives. If we love ourselves when we’re alone, we become complete individuals who are ready for a healthy relationship with someone else. The union with another person becomes a bonus and in that situation, both individuals bring the best out of their partners.
If you’re going through a rough breakup, it’s time to start loving yourself. Acknowledge the pain, live with it and understand that it’s a consequence of the neglect you subjected yourself to. Pain is an indicator that is telling us we need to work on ourselves – breakup pain is there to propel us into a journey of self love, through which we can arrive to a state of completeness which will then be a foundation of great things to come.
In retrospect I am very thankful for the relationship and subsequent breakup because I realised that I wasn’t loving myself enough. My attachment to the feelinigs of love and happiness created an empty space inside of me which at the end of the relationship turned into a sickening void. The experience prompted me to fill that space with love for myself and it’s a process that continuously brings me closer to being complete and happy with myself. Breakups, like any other negative experience, are great opportunities for us to look deeply at ourselves and grow both spiritually and mentally.